Koenig Glossary: Ass Grab...

 We have developed quite a glossary of baseball terms in the 14 years we have been watching baseball together. One of these terms is Ass Grab. I believe it came about in the summer of 2001 (where many of our terms came about) when Pete was working as an usher for the minor league Camden River Sharks. I went to a lot of games alone while Pete was working and had time to notice things.

We were watching a game during this season and there was a meeting at the mound. My comment to Pete was "Aw, looks like someone's going to get their ass grabbed" ("huh??!") I went on to explain that every time there was a meeting on the mound, it always ended with someone getting their ass grabbed. 

A lot has been said about the friendly pat on the bottom that most sports employ, but it doesn't fail in Baseball... at any level. If there is a meeting at the mound, whether it ends in a pitching change or just a quick scouting update, there is always a little... well... Ass Grab at the end of the conversation.

We have since incorporated it into our scoring, an "AG" in the corner of the batter usually indicates a pitching change. There is even the MAG - Major Ass Grab - almost always a pitching change, where everyone and their cat comes out to the mound to give the new pitcher a couple extra seconds to warm out before heading out to the mound, and No, the ass is not major or is the grab, just a comment on the number of people that are milling about on the mound.

So, feel free to add it to your own vernacular or scorecards. Maybe it will even just make you smile a little when you see that manly pat on the bottom when the crowd breaks up.  Whatever, it's our definition:
ASS GRAB: verb (used with object) The final moment of a meeting at the mound when the highest ranking authority figure shows his sympathy with the pitcher who is done for the day by spanking him.